Wake Up Call

What do you get when you take me, a bottle of rum (of which, I drank half), and then throw Alex into the mix? Frankly, a whole lot of trouble I really wasn't prepared for. We were making out before we even made it to the bar. I'd be lying if I said I could remember all of it. It's pretty fuzzy. And I don't even know what charming thing he said that made me WANT to kiss him. There must have been something. But again, I don't really remember. In fact, this is the second time in a matter of weeks where I was so drunk I couldn't even decide to kiss or not to kiss. And that's not like me.

I'm a firm believer that drinking alcohol, even large quantities of it, is not an excuse for doing what you know you shouldn't be doing. The time in New York, I really didn't end up doing anything too scandalous, and in the end, had enough sense to go home and not home with the guy. But the other night with Alex didn't end so simply.

I'm feeling pretty disappointed with myself. I really thought, going into that night, that I'd be able to resist whatever tact he chose to try and tempt me. I really thought I was done being THAT girl. Karma is a bitch, an absolute bitch. And I think I've got years and years of being cheated on in the future, because I am ALWAYS, ALWAYS the other woman. Always.

I thought that night, that the worst that could happen would be me drunk dialing someone who is clearly giving me little to no thought. And that it would be embarrassing in the end. Instead, I ran off with Alex and I can barely remember a good portion of it. My friends weren't even all that surprised that it happened. It's like they know me better than I do.

I'm dreading seeing him this week. Absolutely dreading it. We've known each other for almost a decade and I think he's pretty sure that this is the week I'll finally sleep with him. But what he doesn't know is that I won't. I absolutely won't. I won't drink and I won't do anything stupid. Because the other night is probably the first time I've ever regretted being with him. I've spent the past decade never doing anything I didn't want to do, but the other night, I don't feel like I was capable of making a decision and that's scary.

I need to stop drinking so much that I can't remember and can't make decisions. And soon, when I start my new job, that's going to be really important. I also need to do what I can to make sure that I'm not THAT girl. I don't owe anything to Alex's girlfriend, but I do owe something to myself. No woman deserves to be the OTHER woman.

The Luxury of Leisure

So, he doesn't actually HAVE my phone number, though he COULD have gotten it with only a little embarrassment. And to be fair, I could have gotten his number in exactly the same way. But I decided to be sneaky instead and now we're exchanging messages online--the old fashioned way--with Myspace. I am clearly twelve years old.

But basically I've been obsessing over something completely meaningless, mostly because I'm bored. Completely utterly bored, waiting for my job to start. And he, he is in a different city (possibly with a different girl) every day. And I'm not even exaggerating here. He is literally in a different city every single day. I'm only guessing about the girls.

When I start work, this leisurely time obsessing over a meaningless boy will probably seem like a time of luxury. Until then, I'll continue to check Myspace repeatedly throughout the day, cursing people who actually have lives and aren't sending me messages.

Funny

He told me I was funny.
He was glad I came.
Then in the darkness, he softly touched my hand.
And I felt more fire than I have in a long, long time.
I'm pretty sure he won't call.

drink'n'text

(Them) 11:03pm est: What u doin
(Them) 11:10pm est: At sparkle bar.

(Me) 11:46pm est (6:46 Hawaii time): In Hawaii. See you next week.

The three stooges must have been bored. We only keep them around cause they are funny. And maybe we're a little bored too.

Openings

Kate and I have a to-do list for the year. In no particular order:
-new jobs
-new city
-new men
-new house


I have no idea where I'll be a year from now. But I'm open to suggestions.

Plummeting

Pittsburgh is not my city for meeting men, just like Japan wasn't my country for meeting men. Now I've never had a problem in New York City, for example, or the U.K., my god, London....sigh. But Pittsburgh is absolutely crushing my self esteem. Kate and I go to the bars and the guys that talk to us, talk to her. And want her number. And go out on dates with her. And I stand there and try to look like I don't care.

What really gets me is I've finally begun to come to terms with how I look and to even LIKE how I look. I'm tall, and curvy, with a pretty nice rack, lets be honest. Blue eyes and a pretty, if not beautiful face. I'd give myself a conservative 7.5. But I think the men of Pittsburgh disagree.

Last night we got home, and I was depressed, and well, again, lets be honest, jealous. She finally met a guy, who she could maybe date. I've wanted that for her for a long time. But now I'll be the one staying home with the dog in a city where I know no one. While she is out on dates with him. So yes, I'm feeling a bit under appreciated in Pittsburgh right now. Just a bit.

How TO pick up a 25 year old woman

Alone at the table, with Kate off somewhere, the bartender (45-ish, grey hair, but not terrible) stops at my side.

"I just wanted to say that you and your friend are really beautiful women. I'm the bartender, I'm not trying to hit on you."

And then I said thank you and he walked away. And I sat there smiling to myself.

How NOT to pick up a 25 year old.

Dear drunk middle-aged men:
When you are at a bar, drunk, and you want to talk to a young, attractive woman, do not tell her to "Come here." And when she says, quite rightly, "No." Do not tell her she is mean. She is not mean. If you want to talk to young women you should get up off your bar stool, if you can still stand, and walk over to said woman like gentlemen. And if, after a few minutes, she is being polite but short, maybe you should keep on walking.

Sincerely,
the attractive woman's friend