Openings

Kate and I have a to-do list for the year. In no particular order:
-new jobs
-new city
-new men
-new house


I have no idea where I'll be a year from now. But I'm open to suggestions.

Taking What I Can Get

For me, holidays at home mean one thing: drinking at the local bar. Classy, I know. But there is only so much family togetherness I can take. Of course I only go out if I can find some of my high school gals to go with. Out at the bar right after Christmas or Thanksgiving is basically like a bad high school reunion. You never see the people you want to.

In high school, I wasn't popular, and I wasn't uncool, I wasn't a nerd or a jock, I wasn't pretty or hideous, I wasn't fat, but I certainly wasn't skinny! And that is why, perhaps, I take a sick twisted delight in playing the game, "which skinny popular girl has gained the most weight?" I know, I'm awful. But I can't help it.

Sitting in the bar with my friends, I say, "You know, I'm glad I looked the way I did in High school. There was nowhere to go but up!"

Totally Freaked Out.

Last week, Kate dated a guy who ended up to probably be a homeless alcoholic. This week, I've got a guy who has turned out to be un-happily married, wanting me to spare him an hour of my time. Un-happily married, with children. He came to see me at work tonight--twice. I don't even know what else to say, except that I'm totally freaked out.

Where's the f'ing window?

Well, the campaigns don't want me, and worse, the people in Atlanta don't want me either. I would have been freaking perfect for that job. But it's not to be. I can't even begin to understand why I didn't get it. My interview was fantastic, my resume is perfect for it. But I'm not what they're looking for. Well merry Christmas to you, too. One more door closed. Please don't tell me that going from seasonal to permanent at the store is my window. If it is, I might just jump.

In 9 hours

In 9 hours I'll be on a plane to Atlanta for an afternoon of interviews and such. They want me there for 5 hours. Ouch. I guess it makes sense though. You are free to guess at what jobs would require such a long interview process. I THINK I'll know if I made it at the end of the day, but I could be wrong.

I'll get back late tomorrow night, but then have to be at work at 7am. I couldn't have gotten a worse schedule for this. I think it'll be worth it though. I just wish my Japanese was better. That's the only thing I'm worried about. Time for a few hours of sleep.

On a Whim

I applied for a job last night on a whim. And then, when I made it past the preliminary screenings and such, I giggled to myself about it, with no one to giggle with. Kate is gone for a few days. And then today, they told me to call for an interview, and I made it through that and now I get to go and interview in person.

This job would be p-e-r-f-e-c-t. PERFECT. Well, perfect for me. And, even better, it would give a whole new meaning to my name, Another Spin. But I'm not going to tell you what it is just yet. I'm going to giggle to myself about it for a bit longer. But please, wish me luck.

Deep Thoughts on Old Navy

They kept airing an Old Navy commercial during America's Next Top Model tonight. Men, Women and Children, cozied up in their winter wear. And then the girl, in the sweater boots, a long sleeved shirt, and nothing but her undies. Wha??? Is it hot or cold? I'm confused. Who wears sweater boots and forgets her pants?

Plummeting

Pittsburgh is not my city for meeting men, just like Japan wasn't my country for meeting men. Now I've never had a problem in New York City, for example, or the U.K., my god, London....sigh. But Pittsburgh is absolutely crushing my self esteem. Kate and I go to the bars and the guys that talk to us, talk to her. And want her number. And go out on dates with her. And I stand there and try to look like I don't care.

What really gets me is I've finally begun to come to terms with how I look and to even LIKE how I look. I'm tall, and curvy, with a pretty nice rack, lets be honest. Blue eyes and a pretty, if not beautiful face. I'd give myself a conservative 7.5. But I think the men of Pittsburgh disagree.

Last night we got home, and I was depressed, and well, again, lets be honest, jealous. She finally met a guy, who she could maybe date. I've wanted that for her for a long time. But now I'll be the one staying home with the dog in a city where I know no one. While she is out on dates with him. So yes, I'm feeling a bit under appreciated in Pittsburgh right now. Just a bit.

Self-Esteem

The last time I saw my cousin Kelly, she wasn't dating anyone. She'd been working really hard with school and career, and honestly, she hadn't been taking care of herself. And she said to me, "You know, I don't think I'd WANT to find someone right now, who'd love me like THIS. THIS isn't what I really am, or what I want to be." And I guess, I found that a little strange. I thought that I'd want a guy who had seen me at my worst AND at my best, and loved both.

Now that I work at the store, it really is the lowest point for me career-wise, ever. And yeah, I'm only 25, I guess it could get even worse someday. But seriously, it embarrasses me to have to tell people what I do. And I guess that's my own personal issue. But when you go from, "Oh, I live in Japan and teach English," to "Oh, I work at the store," you are bound to feel a little disappointed by the current state of affairs. Or you are, if you are me.

It's funny though. Kate has the opposite problem. She's embarrassed by being too accomplished. She does everything she can so that people don't immediately know what she does for a job. I mean, it's got to be a crushing blow to the male ego if he can't understand what his potential girlfriend does for a living. I get that, but then again, I'd rather she strove to find a guy that understood what she does and loves her the more for being so intelligent. Too bad I can't want the same, albeit in reverse, for myself.

On Internet Dating

I answered an ad from Craigslist. I was looking at the job listings, and then I looked at the events and such in the area, and then I checked out the personals. And there was a guy who sounded too good to be true. He probably is.

Anyway, I sent a response and a photo. A recent photo where I'm actually wearing make-up and looking pretty good. And he replied. Now what?

So he is moving here soon and wants a girl to go out with, drink some wine, have some food, you know. And for some reason, to me, meeting a guy from the internet for a drink is a way different thing than going out with a random guy you've met at the bar. It's way scarier and it really shouldn't be. I mean there are creeps at the bar and on the internet, and well, everywhere else for that matter. And there are good people too. My brother met his wife on the internet. I've always found that funny, now look at me.

I assume he got some other responses, and maybe in the end he won't even want to meet me. I know what thing, I'll be completely honest the whole way through. What's the use in lying to someone who doesn't know me and I may never meet. I've got nothing to lose.