Self-Esteem

The last time I saw my cousin Kelly, she wasn't dating anyone. She'd been working really hard with school and career, and honestly, she hadn't been taking care of herself. And she said to me, "You know, I don't think I'd WANT to find someone right now, who'd love me like THIS. THIS isn't what I really am, or what I want to be." And I guess, I found that a little strange. I thought that I'd want a guy who had seen me at my worst AND at my best, and loved both.

Now that I work at the store, it really is the lowest point for me career-wise, ever. And yeah, I'm only 25, I guess it could get even worse someday. But seriously, it embarrasses me to have to tell people what I do. And I guess that's my own personal issue. But when you go from, "Oh, I live in Japan and teach English," to "Oh, I work at the store," you are bound to feel a little disappointed by the current state of affairs. Or you are, if you are me.

It's funny though. Kate has the opposite problem. She's embarrassed by being too accomplished. She does everything she can so that people don't immediately know what she does for a job. I mean, it's got to be a crushing blow to the male ego if he can't understand what his potential girlfriend does for a living. I get that, but then again, I'd rather she strove to find a guy that understood what she does and loves her the more for being so intelligent. Too bad I can't want the same, albeit in reverse, for myself.

On Internet Dating

I answered an ad from Craigslist. I was looking at the job listings, and then I looked at the events and such in the area, and then I checked out the personals. And there was a guy who sounded too good to be true. He probably is.

Anyway, I sent a response and a photo. A recent photo where I'm actually wearing make-up and looking pretty good. And he replied. Now what?

So he is moving here soon and wants a girl to go out with, drink some wine, have some food, you know. And for some reason, to me, meeting a guy from the internet for a drink is a way different thing than going out with a random guy you've met at the bar. It's way scarier and it really shouldn't be. I mean there are creeps at the bar and on the internet, and well, everywhere else for that matter. And there are good people too. My brother met his wife on the internet. I've always found that funny, now look at me.

I assume he got some other responses, and maybe in the end he won't even want to meet me. I know what thing, I'll be completely honest the whole way through. What's the use in lying to someone who doesn't know me and I may never meet. I've got nothing to lose.