Wake Up Call

What do you get when you take me, a bottle of rum (of which, I drank half), and then throw Alex into the mix? Frankly, a whole lot of trouble I really wasn't prepared for. We were making out before we even made it to the bar. I'd be lying if I said I could remember all of it. It's pretty fuzzy. And I don't even know what charming thing he said that made me WANT to kiss him. There must have been something. But again, I don't really remember. In fact, this is the second time in a matter of weeks where I was so drunk I couldn't even decide to kiss or not to kiss. And that's not like me.

I'm a firm believer that drinking alcohol, even large quantities of it, is not an excuse for doing what you know you shouldn't be doing. The time in New York, I really didn't end up doing anything too scandalous, and in the end, had enough sense to go home and not home with the guy. But the other night with Alex didn't end so simply.

I'm feeling pretty disappointed with myself. I really thought, going into that night, that I'd be able to resist whatever tact he chose to try and tempt me. I really thought I was done being THAT girl. Karma is a bitch, an absolute bitch. And I think I've got years and years of being cheated on in the future, because I am ALWAYS, ALWAYS the other woman. Always.

I thought that night, that the worst that could happen would be me drunk dialing someone who is clearly giving me little to no thought. And that it would be embarrassing in the end. Instead, I ran off with Alex and I can barely remember a good portion of it. My friends weren't even all that surprised that it happened. It's like they know me better than I do.

I'm dreading seeing him this week. Absolutely dreading it. We've known each other for almost a decade and I think he's pretty sure that this is the week I'll finally sleep with him. But what he doesn't know is that I won't. I absolutely won't. I won't drink and I won't do anything stupid. Because the other night is probably the first time I've ever regretted being with him. I've spent the past decade never doing anything I didn't want to do, but the other night, I don't feel like I was capable of making a decision and that's scary.

I need to stop drinking so much that I can't remember and can't make decisions. And soon, when I start my new job, that's going to be really important. I also need to do what I can to make sure that I'm not THAT girl. I don't owe anything to Alex's girlfriend, but I do owe something to myself. No woman deserves to be the OTHER woman.